Monthly Archives: June 2012
In Relationship with a Highly Sensitive Person
A topic I often come across in couple’s therapy is one partner being more “sensitive” than the other. This relationship dynamic can be a great source of conflict for couple’s who struggle to accept and understand the other person or who believe this trait is something that can be changed. As I’ve said before, when we let go of our mission to alter our partner and instead practice acceptance, we create space for compassion, compromise and intimacy. However, it can be hard to create space for that acceptance and appreciation without truly understanding what makes a sensitive person the way he/she is. The research refers to sensitive or highly sensitive people as HSP’s.
5 Gifts of Being Highly Sensitive
- Attuned to sensory detail
- Pick up nuances in meaning
- High emotional awareness
- Very creative
- Great empathy
(Douglas Eby)
Research on HSP’s highlights that these traits are due to a fundamental difference in one’s nervous system functioning, as systems with decreased latent inhibition are more open to incoming stimuli. As a result, these individuals are prone to overstimulation and becoming easily stressed and therefore need more down time.
Public Opinion
When we hear the term “sensitive” we often conjure up stereotypes of what that term means and what it says about a person. Oftentimes sensitive people may be labeled as “shy,” “timid,” “inhibited,” or “introverted,” when in reality 70% of highly sensitive people are introverts and 30% are extroverts. So yes, there is such a thing as a sensitive extrovert! Nevertheless, this stigma against being a sensitive person can often be an obstacle to 1) identifying yourself as one, 2) being compassionate towards someone or 3) valuing these traits in yourself or others. Here are a few common stereotypes:
The Father Effect
Nowadays there are so many different configurations of families, living arrangements and cultural influences on family roles. However, regardless of your family makeup, we all either have a father, know one, will be one or will marry one someday.
Fathers are often left out; out of books, magazines, school & medical decisions, family therapy, research studies and the field of psychology in general. Fathers and father figures serve as a template just as much as mothers do, and we know children follow more by example than advice. So, what kind of example is being set in your family?
Template for Daughters:
- Ideas on what men are like
- How men view and treat women (intellectually, emotionally, sexually, etc)
- Safety, intimacy and affection with men
- Model physical activities
- Model values
- Model gender roles
Template for Sons:
- Model how to act, problem solve, relate to others
- Model for how to view and treat women
- Model how to be a man and a father
- Model physical activities
- Model for values
- Model gender roles
Actively Involved Fathers
The research often describes “good fathers” as actively involved- (1) engagement (directly interacting); (2) accessibility (being available); and (3) responsibility (providing resources).
Even among socioeconomically at-risk families, children whose fathers were actively involved in early and middle childhood compared to those with absentee fathers typically had: Read the rest of this entry
