Blog Archives
Love Connection: An Attachment Perspective
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, most of us have love on the brain. Whether you’re gushing in anticipation or 
dreading a day filled with chocolate and the color pink, the following will help you use this oh so cheesy holiday to understand the importance of your relationship connection.
While there are individual differences and cultural differences in one’s need for intimacy and closeness, it is inherent in our human makeup to be connected rather than disconnected and isolated. Thus, our need to attach is somewhat universal.
Attachment theory is based off this exact idea; that we innately desire to be in close relationships. John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth pioneered this theory by studying children’s responses to attachment and bonding with their caregiver. Such bonding behavior is thought to have had an evolutionary advantage, as those who weren’t left to fend for themselves survived longer.
While this may sound a bit prehistoric, we operate from what is called an “emotional brain.” This emotional brain is our limbic system, which is essentially responsible for flight or fight responses.
You can imagine how this emotional brain can feel threatened when our very basic need, attachment, is not met in our primary adult relationship, our romantic relationship. Read the rest of this entry
Emotional Infidelity: Fact or Fiction?
In the era where if someone doesn’t answer their phone, we have the option to text them, e-mail them, Facebook them or even Tweet at them, communication has definitely become a little complicated. While most of us can recite countless benefits of all these various channels, we often pay little attention to the detriment that technology and online communication can have on our romantic relationships.
While the obvious pitfall of technological communication is misunderstandings and misinterpretations, an even bigger pitfall is emotional infidelity. According to Dr. Dale Atkins, emotional infidelity or emotional cheating is “about forming meaningful attachments with people other than your partner in ways that prevent your partner from having that deep emotional intimacy with you.”
How Does this Happen?
Relationships often become vulnerable to this type of infidelity when one partner feels misunderstood or unappreciated. Often, when one partner’s needs are not being met in the relationship, he/she will go outside of it. As we spend more time at work and online, these become our primary outlets. Facebook, blogs, Twitter and other social media serve to connect people and often do so on the basis of common interests. However, the lack of face-to-face and physical contact may serve as a factor in blurring boundaries of what is and isn’t appropriate. Read the rest of this entry
