Blog Archives
Relationships in 2013: Fear of Commitment or Committed to Fear?
In a previous post, “Emotional Infidelity: Fact or Fiction” I covered the definition of emotional infidelity, ways to fall into it and ways to prevent it. Not surprisingly, this has been my most viewed post. I began to wonder about it’s popularity and have asked myself: Is it because we are mystified by relationships? Living in a technological world where secrets have taken on a new life? Or are we simply living in fear?
Two elements stand out in my mind when thinking about relationships in 2013: social networks and divorce rates. Social networks, like Facebook, increase third-party threats, which according to some studies encourage jealousy and surveillance behaviors. Meanwhile, we are constantly being reminded of climbing divorce statistics, whether it’s yet another celebrity breakup or a research study reporting today’s marriages in despair. Oh and don’t forget all this is being delivered side-by-side Hollywood’s oh-so- realistic portrayals of romance. What are we to make of relationships in 2013?
Today’s relationships are living in an era consumed with deep questioning of trust and increased caution. While each of these is valuable (and maybe for some couples should be taken more seriously), it would appear as though there is a growing sense of fear when it comes to being in a relationship, let alone committing to one.
It is no wonder that couples are opting to cohabitate before making the leap. A recent article in the New York Times points to a nationwide survey by the National Marriage Project, where about two-thirds of 20-somethings said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. The article goes on to talk about “the cohabitation effect,” which is that couples who cohabit prior to marriage (especially engagement or other clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with marriage and are more likely to divorce than couples who do not. Read the rest of this entry
Mindful Living: Love & Loss
Humans are social beings; we attach, bond and connect with people every day. The natural desire to connect also leads to a natural response when we must part with people or situations. That response is grief. While death being the obvious and most severe form of separation, what about all the other types of loss we experience every day? What airtime do those get? Grief shows up in break-ups, moves, disability, divorce, and unmet expectations among others.
A supervisor of mine recently suggested reading the work of Pauline Boss, PhD., who has been a professor at the University of Minnesota and at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Boss writes about “ambiguous loss.” This type of loss she says differs from ordinary loss in that there is “no verification of death or no certainty that the person will come back or return to the way they used to be.” The ambiguity of such losses prevents closure and often impairs an individuals or family’s functioning.
While ambiguity can stifle the grieving process, there are two other major obstacles to processing a loss. CONTINUE READING
