Blog Archives
Relationships in 2013: Fear of Commitment or Committed to Fear?
In a previous post, “Emotional Infidelity: Fact or Fiction” I covered the definition of emotional infidelity, ways to fall into it and ways to prevent it. Not surprisingly, this has been my most viewed post. I began to wonder about it’s popularity and have asked myself: Is it because we are mystified by relationships? Living in a technological world where secrets have taken on a new life? Or are we simply living in fear?
Two elements stand out in my mind when thinking about relationships in 2013: social networks and divorce rates. Social networks, like Facebook, increase third-party threats, which according to some studies encourage jealousy and surveillance behaviors. Meanwhile, we are constantly being reminded of climbing divorce statistics, whether it’s yet another celebrity breakup or a research study reporting today’s marriages in despair. Oh and don’t forget all this is being delivered side-by-side Hollywood’s oh-so- realistic portrayals of romance. What are we to make of relationships in 2013?
Today’s relationships are living in an era consumed with deep questioning of trust and increased caution. While each of these is valuable (and maybe for some couples should be taken more seriously), it would appear as though there is a growing sense of fear when it comes to being in a relationship, let alone committing to one.
It is no wonder that couples are opting to cohabitate before making the leap. A recent article in the New York Times points to a nationwide survey by the National Marriage Project, where about two-thirds of 20-somethings said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce. The article goes on to talk about “the cohabitation effect,” which is that couples who cohabit prior to marriage (especially engagement or other clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with marriage and are more likely to divorce than couples who do not. Read the rest of this entry
World of Change
Many individuals, families and couples come to therapy because they want to change something, whether it’s a bad habit, a self-
image, or their boyfriend. We then commence on a journey with our clients to thicken our understanding of what this desired change 
is, where it came from, where they seek to be and how we can help get them there. As a therapist, I believe in change, but what about our clients, friends and family? We might say that those coming to therapy believe in change, even if it’s a 1% belief. But what exactly do our clients believe about change? What do our friends and family believe about change? How does that influence your beliefs about personal change?
Many of my posts talk about change in various forms: altering communication skills, creating personal goals, introducing a new activity into your daily routine, etc. While we live in a constantly changing world, we rarely ever talk about the idea of change in itself.
To be clear, when I say change, I am referring to positive & healthy changes or growth. While both those terms are somewhat objective, I encourage you to be the one to determine what is positive and healthy for you. If the word change feels too drastic for you, think of it as something you’d like to “work on” rather than change.
Some important questions to answer for yourself:
Is change possible? If so, under what circumstances?
Is change good, bad, neither?
How does change happen? Is it the same for everyone?
What do you lose/gain by changing?
Who/what do you change for?
What motivates you to change?
Are you someone who adjusts/adapts easily or is it more difficult for you? Read the rest of this entry
