Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia
Psychotherapy & Mindfulness in Los Angeles
Category: Relationships
Make America Kind Again: A Loving-Kindness Meditation Practice
One mindfulness practice, called “Loving-Kindness”, helps us take a different approach by cultivating an attitude of open, unconditional friendliness. This practice entails sending kind, compassionate, or loving intentions to several different categories of individuals: (1) one- self, (2) a cherished person or “mentor,” (3) a friend, (4) a neutral person or stranger, (5) an “enemy” or difficult person, and (6) all living beings (Salzberg, 2006). (For briefer introductory practices, see Audio.) The beauty of this practice is that you can adapt the phrases so that they resonate with you. “It counteracts the loneliness and sense of separation that comes from not feeing connected to other people. It is a powerful practice that can change how we respond to difficult situations over time. We can learn to turn down the volume on the internal, snide monologue of self-judgment and be kinder to ourselves” (Wolf & Serpa, 2015, p. 137).
Read MoreEnhancing Wellbeing in the Face of Traumatic Media Exposure
Sadly, the news of the last few months has been riddled with devastating stories of terrorist attacks, police brutality, murder, rape, racism, and injustice, leaving many of us struggling with difficult emotions. With technological advances, we are receiving unrelenting minute to minute graphic coverage…
Read MoreEarly Shame: When Ruptures Aren’t Repaired
For better or for worse, children remember. A child’s early interactions with their caregiver are one of the most influential factors in determining a child’s well-being and future functioning as an adult…As children are continuing to develop, the way our parents react to us and see us is the way we learn see ourselves. So, when a parent yells, ignores, or calls the child names rather than opening lines of communication and teaching the child, this sends them the message that “I am bad, “I am inadequate,” and “I am unlovable.” This can be particularly harmful if these interactions are repeated without repair, leading these beliefs to become internalized as truths for the child.
Read MoreWhole Hearted Living: The Power of Vulnerability
As humans, we are neurobiologically hardwired to seek connection from day 1, for survival, brain development and emotional growth. However, in the days of social networking, 40-hour weeks, texting, and instagram we appear to be more disconnected than ever. You might be thinking, well how is that possible? All these innovations create more connection. While on some level that may be true, we are more often than not connecting on a superficial level. We’re connecting on the basis of what we want people to see; a persona that we believe is the version of ourselves that people will like, literally “Like.”
Read MoreCuriosity Cures
However, holding an attitude of kind curiosity can lead to a sense of openness, deeper understanding, appreciation and diminished boredom. The sheer prospect of discovering something new about oneself or one’s partner can light a spark in us or in our relationships.
Read MoreThe Mindful Response to Relationship Conflict
More often than not, we react from a surface emotion without understanding it, knowing where it is coming from and without taking a moment to pause. That surface emotion typically is anger. However, if we look at the anger iceberg, we see that anger is a secondary emotion, with primary emotions, such as hurt, embarrassment, rejection, fear, etc lying below the surface.
Read MoreIn Relationship with a Highly Sensitive Person
A topic I often come across in couple’s therapy is one partner being more “sensitive” than the other. This relationship dynamic can be a great source of conflict for couple’s who struggle to accept and understand the other person or…
Read MoreI Love You, Now Change
The usual break-up tagline, “it’s not you, it’s me” oddly enough seems to be reversed during relationships, “it’s not me, it’s you.” Something I often hear individual clients and couples say is “if it weren’t for him/ her doing x…
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